Growing Pains

I don't know of an adult who hasn't at some point envied the briefest moment of the peace and bliss that exists in childhood. We regret that we didn't enjoy the absence of responsibility, the adoration of those around us, the ability to eat mac n cheese as an entire meal with no worries of calories or carbs when we were kids, and now that time in our lives is forever over. We get up to go to work, pay the bills, clean the house, mow the yard, and do all sorts of unfun things over and over again. As we grow older, we start having to work for the adoration of others. Wearing multiple layers of swim clothes backwards, or eyes holders, or headlamps begin to lose the coolness as friends look at us strangely instead of seeing them and instantly squealing, "My turn! My turn!" And I have never seen an adult wearing shiny shoes. We eat tiny amounts of bland food, feeling guilty at ordering mac-n-cheese even as a side, and count the calories that we gain in even looking at Baskin Robbins as we drive by. I suppose that we love children so much because we do get to experience and enjoy the perks and fun of childhood through them, to re-experience it with their joy coupled with our wisdom of how brief and wondorous the time is.

My eyes holders wearing, pancake eating, ouchie saying, eating-noise making, shiny shoed three year old, however, spent time yesterday being SAD that he is no longer a BABY! Ryder is the very essence of childhood joy. He plays all day, he runs with his arms all flailing about, his friends don't ridicule him for playing with imaginary toys-they just play with them, too. He sings and talks to himself, and makes his eating noise when he eats....and all this oddness is CUTE (for now). He has grandparents and family and friends who adore him, and a mom and dad who think he is the coolest kid ever (and would never, ever, ever wish to trade in this amazing personality for the sweet and adorable, yet silent and unfunny baby).

Yesterday, he asked me "Mommy, where are my baby clothes?" Apparently, my child is more sentimental than I am because I sell his outgrown clothes in consignment sales, and buy clothes that fit him, and therefore, spend very little money on clothes (which I'm sure he will appreciate one day). One of his baby outfits, we shared with Brody. I have his Mule Day t shirt, his first birthday T shirt, and another button up shirt.....and that is all of his baby clothes that I still have. I explain this to him, only to have him panic and ask, "But what will I wear when I am a baby again?" And so I must explain the aging process to my 3 year old. I explain that he will only get older, and will never be a baby again. (Which has it's good points, because when Kyle and Kellee were getting ready to have Brody, Ryder told me he didn't want to go back in my belly again.) I tell him that babies can't eat candy, or run, or wear eyes holders. Babies have to wear diapers and they can't talk to tell their Mommies what they want. In talking about what babies can't do that three year olds can do, he seemed to see the superiority of being a big boy over being a baby again.

However, he did ask me to finish feeding him his lunch of vegetable beef soup. And when we were at Cracker Barrell for supper, he did ask me to hold him before his pankcake came, and then when we got home, he insisted that just try to put on his baby clothes. I brought down the two Tshirts (both from when he was about a year old) and he tugged, and wriggled, and pulled, and finally got the 12 month sized Mule Day T shirt over his head. He was very proud to be wearing his baby clothes, ignoring the fact that the shirt showed half his belly and barely fit over his head.

He finally traded in his baby shirt for his Batman shirt and cape, and wrestled with Daddy and Aprilia before bedtime. So perhaps it's just human nature to feel a nostalgic longing for the past, no matter how old we are. I know one day, I will be looking back on these days when I was waitingforRyder to ask if he could wear his swim clothes and his cape to quilting, with a nostalgic longing to have me be able to heal all his hurts with a kiss and remembering how wonderful it feels to have an arm hug from the boy who will always be my baby.

***1st photo: Camden (ab 10 months) and Ryder (about 2 months); photo taken by Denise Skelton (http://www.skeltonphotography.com/)

2nd photo: Ryder at about 6 months in Columbia

3rd photo: Ryder at 3 (Feb. 9, 2011) in his baby clothes :)

In Ryder's Pocket

Right now, Ryder's clothing has two criteria for being wearable:


1. It should have no tag.

2. It needs pockets.

And there are huge bonuses for any clothing that also has a cape, like his new Batman pajamas. Bonuses also exist for his two favorite T shirts: the Ry Ry no like sand shirt, created by Andy Sneed for the ToffeeToffeeYay and Nerniesingers Spring Formal band of 2010, and the Rico shirt, which Cody brought back a year ago from K9 training school with Rico (and is still WAY too big :) And the most recent clothing bonuses go to anything Granny Bill has sent to Ryder (as in the yellow jacket that is way too small, but that Ryder insisted on wearing everywhere...INCLUDING the bath tub when I thought he was taking a potty break. It is still wet, and he is still asking if he can wear it).

I can understand the no tag condition; they are itchy and annoying. And perhaps wearing a shirt with a picture of yourself would be consider narcissistic, however since the child is in his Ryder Cry, I'm pretty sure that is not a "one of my proudest moments" type situation to cause any sort of bragging. A shirt with your dog is pretty special, especially since Daddy and Mommy have a shirt just like it, and perhaps Ryder is starting with sentimental attachments early with wanting to wear all his Granny Bill clothes at once, which is how he wanted to dress this week: "I want to wear all the clothes that Granny Bill got me." And it's quite obvious that any clothes with a cape should qualify in the favorite clothes category for a three year old. But of all clothing requirements, I think we would all benefit from wearing clothing that has Ryder's pockets; for in his pockets, he has everything he could want or need.

In Ryder's pocket, he carries friendship. Mannienewt, the pocket squirrel, shared adventures and troubles with Ryder. We still see (or don't see) Mannienewt, but not as much as we used to. I miss the fun little squirrel, and I hope that he stays in Ryder's pockets, even as his friendships grow more.....visible.

In Ryder's pockets, he carries sweetness. He came to me a few weeks ago, and handed me a piece of Superman candy from his pocket. I thanked him, and put it in my mouth, only to hear a horrified 3 year old save me from my mistake, "NO Mommy! It has paper on it!" I took the paper off the candy, and it really did taste much better afterwards. And it's fat free and calorie free :) After repeating the same episode with Cody, he gave Gigi a piece of the candy at our request, but before she tried to eat it, he cautioned her about the paper. We went to play with Camden and Carter the next day, and Jonie asked for a piece of Superman candy, but Ry said he didn't have any more because Papa Bear ate it all. Luckily, he had some Batman candy, and as he handed it to Jonie, he told her about the paper. I'm very happy that he only carries wrapped candy in his pockets because otherwise, it would probably have pocket lint all over it and be very messy. I hope that Ryder will always carry sweetness in his pockets that he will be able to share with his friends.

In Ryder's pockets, he carries compromises. All three boys were at the Verizon store, and Jonie was holding Carter, who was holding a toy that Ryder wanted. Ryder reached into his pockets and pulled out some "monies" that he offered to trade Carter for his toy. Carter has a fine appreciation for tangible items, and was not interested in Ryder's proposed trade. Really, even if Ryder had pulled out spendable coins, I think the value of the toy in the hand would far outweigh the value of any amount of coins to any sensible two year old. I hope that Ryder will always carry an attitude of compromise with him to help him solve his problems. I also hope he gets a little better at it :)

In Ryder's pockets, he carries time. Ryder really wanted a watch before Christmas, and we told him that Christmas was coming, and he could ask Santa for a watch. A few days later, Ryder shows us the watch on his wrist, and he used it to help us plan our day. At 9-4 we would go to bed. At 24 we would play games. I hope that Ryder always remembers there is time to be happy with what we have, instead of wishing for what we don't.

In Ryder's pockets, he carries contentment and possibilities. Whatever Ryder needs or wants, he can find it in his pockets. Toys, money, friends, snacks, accessories...it's all there because Ryder has learned to be satisfied with what he has. Many adults carry versions of these items in their pockets or their purses, versions that other people can see and touch, and yet, they fail to realize the possibilities that they carry with them. We live in a world where we have so much STUFF, and we still fail to realize we have everything we need, right at our fingertips. There is a great chance that I'm going to rip a tag out of my clothing before wearing it, and while I'm waitingforRyder to decide what he's going to wear for the day, I hope I learn to fill my pockets with friendship and sweetness, compromise and time, contentment and possibilities because it is up to me to see my many blessings that I carry with me each day.

******************************************* I don't generally recommend actually carrying tangible, visible friends in your pockets. However, some people DO carry little dogs or animals in their pockets, but I did think about changing that point. Jonie and I carried a sugar glider in his special pocket into many places that probably would not have appreciated our friend if he were made visible. Wow! I just realized that I had a real pocket squirrel that Ryder doesn't even know about. Perhaps that's best due to the grisly fate of that friend.

waitingforBatman

Ryder Luke.....the name that sustained the negotiations during the months preceding our son's birth. It was NOT an easy process. We used several copies of the "Best Book of Over a Gazillion Baby Names," crossing out, circling, making lists, adding to, hearing suggestions (solicited and unsolicited), gauging reactions of possibilites, looking at current popular names, and trying to balance the line of different but not weird. I am thankful that my blog is not waitingforBismarc (which I'm sure is the perfect name for your child if you named him Bismarc :) I even asked my freshmen their opinions on the names that were our top considerations, and they were very eager to evaluate the names for teasibility factors that we might not have considered. Cody had suggested Luke from the beginning, and although I liked the name and liked having a Biblical name, and didn't know any Lukes, I still wanted something not so common. And of all the names we had considered, Ryder just seemed like the name that would fit Cody's son. So, despite it not being a favorite of all the family, we decided to make the decision and embroider Ryder Luke on blankets, and bags, and towels, and toys, and anything that could be written on in any way.

And it just...fits. He IS Ryder. His very own sweet and precious, funny and unique self.

However, recently Ryder has informed us that his name is now Batman. The kid doesn't even really know much about Batman. He doesn't watch Batman, and has no Batman toys. But he does have some Batman underwear, and Camden and Carter like Batman, and so apparently that is enough to warrant an entire renaming of himself. It started with a simple "I'm Batman!!!" It has progressed to an insistence that he be called Batman. I have no problem with it, but I continue to call him Ryder. (That is his name, and I don't think EVERYONE should give in to his renaming). So when I say "Come on, Ryder," he will say under his breath, "Ok, but I'm Batman." After a while, it progressed to him referring to himself as Batman in various situations: " Bye Mommy. Daddy and Batman are going outside."

Of course, as is only reasonable, he isn't consistently Batman. We were going to swim lessons last week, and Cody said, "Excuse me, Batman," (which is how he likes to be addressed, because both Ryder and Batman want to use good manners) and Ry says, "I changed back into Ryder. Batman doesn't swim."

He is a fun kid...whatever his name his.

Ryder has been naming things for a while, and it is always a source of fun to hear his names for his toys. Many of our friends have played with his toys, ToffeeToffeeYAY! and Nerniesinger. Of course, we all are happy to see Mannienewt, the pocket squirrel. Well, maybe not, SEE Mannienewt exactly. At Papa Bear and Gigi's house, he rides on Marf the 4 wheeler. Less popular is his stuffed otter Intourniquet and the lost Ardmore the Dragon. He has a Christmas elf that comes to visit, and I have thought for a year now, that the elf's name was Oliver (since that WAS the name that was written on him when he came to us last year), but Ryder has told me that his name is Chikit. So we love Ryder's fun with names, and his friends young and old just go along with it.

And then, yesterday, in Barnes and Noble, Ryder was in the children's section playing with a train set. There was another child playing, and his grandparents were there. I was around the corner looking at books, but I could see and hear Ryder. Some other people came up, and they began talking to the other little boy and Ryder. They asked my son what his name was, and very seriously, and very clearly, he responded, "Batman." They didn't really know what to say. I just stayed around the corner, waitingforBatman to say goodbye to his new friends while I laughed at my very own beautiful little super hero.

(TOP PHOTO: At Grey's party two years ago. Ryder wasn't so interested in being Batman and wearing Batwings there. BOTTOM PHOTO: Ryder is playing with ToffeeToffeeYAY! the leopard and Nerniesinger the caterpillar. These toys are the origin of the incredibly awesome, but not so well known, band ToffeeToffeeYAY! and the Nerniesingers. This picture was taken by Denise Skelton (http://www.skeltonphotography.com/)

In Cahoots with the Portertown Family

I love the phrase "in cahoots." I know it's not so very much popular anymore, but I think it may make a comeback. Particularly around our family and friends. I think the Alpha Chugga Milka boys may bring this particular term into popularity. (I'm including Ry in the frat, even though he doesn't have the frat boy look. I'm hoping he gets in just by being friends with the cool kids. For more info, see Jonie's post Alpha Chugga Milka for Life in my blog list.)

When Ry was the age of just walking pretty good, and Cam was 8 months older than just walking pretty good, Cam was in a vacuum loving phase. Vacuum cleaner=best toy ever to Cam. Not so much to Ryder. The boys had been playing in Cam's room, but suddenly were quiet. So of course, quietness has to be checked on because two little boys and quietness surely means some kind of trouble. We open the bathroom door, and Camden has somehow wiggled and maneuvered and coaxed the vacuum cleaner out of its spot in the bathroom closet and he and Ryder are in the bathroom, door closed, playing with the vacuum cleaner. In diapers, and in cahoots.

I suppose Mannienewt is part of Alpha Chugga Milka, too. Maybe he's the mascot. The whole Cam throwing the very patient and very invisible pocket squirrel over the fence story shows more evidence of the boys being in cahoots, but it's not only Cam and Ryder who play together with the imaginary squirrel. At Camp Wetoga, Carter and Ryder were playing catch with Mannienewt across the breakfast table. Usually throwing things at the breakfast table is not allowed, but I suppose Mannienewt will have to learn to run and hide if he doesn't want to play catch with the boys at breakfast. So, even though Carter just turned two, he is very much in cahoots with the boys.

Ryder has been in the three year old Bible school class with Camden for a couple of months now. Cody gets this report when he picks Ryder up for class (following story as reported by Cody:

"Cody, what is your last name? I just went blank in class and could not remember."

Cody tells Ms. Teresa our last name.

"I couldn't remember your last name, so I asked Ryder. He said your last was Portertown. I didn't think that was right, but I just couldn't remember it, so I asked Camden what Ryder's last name was, and he said it wasPortertown, so I thought maybe I had just completely forgotten." I must admit that I don't keep many of Ryder's creations, but I think the Bible school paper with the title "The Portertown family" will have to be saved. So, I love the ways these boys play together. I just hope that their episodes of being in cahoots stay so funny and innocent! I love not knowing what to expect while waitingforRyder....Portertown :)

(And by the way, I have now used the phrase "in cahoots" so much that I'm really starting not to like it. My apologies if you are now supremely annoyed by the phrase. I am just now realizing that it is only fun in small doses :)

Introduction to Shakespeare

In my former life as a freshmen English teacher, I spent about six weeks a year introducing my 100 or so kids to Shakespeare.

In my current life as a mom of the most fabulous three year old, I was told that Ryder introduced my mom and dad to Shakespeare.

I loved teaching my freshmen Romeo and Juliet every year. I was shocked that the Shakespeare unit would become one of my favorites. There are so many difficulties teaching Shakespeare to kids with literacy skills that are overall (for the most part) quite unimpressive. But after a couple of years, I anticipated the groans of anxiety when I told the kids we were going to start the Romeo and Juliet unit because I knew that by the end, they were going to LOVE this story. So maybe most of them never left discussing the advantages of free verse and iambic pentameter, and I'm sure they did not realize how heartbreakingly beautiful the images and wordplay and characters were, but they were so with me on making fun of traditional romantic hero Romeo.

I loved watching the kids rush in to class to sign up for parts and watching the boys fight to read Juliet's part, because every year in at least one class, I had a group of boys who thought that reading Juliet's part was funny. Different kids every year (well, mostly, I had a few who loved me so much they came back for seconds of the same class :); same responses to Shakespeare. And the end...oh, the end, when we were all just over it, and ready for fickle, sissy, whining Romeo to just die in the most tragic of death scenes, and the kids would be realizing how useless the deaths were, and lamenting the decisions the characters had so quickly made to be brought to the tombs. And of course I loved that after we had read, discussed, interpreted, dissected, and then reassembled the story, and we would watch the movie, I would always have at least a couple of kids who would be yelling at the TV, "No, don't drink it....she's NOT DEAD!" (The first experience I had of this was watching it with Jonie when we were teenagers, but Jonie did not KNOW that they both died before watching the movie. Imagine how sad the movie is when you don't know they both die). So, before I started teaching, I loved Shakespeare for his beautiful writing and timeless stories, but now my reasons that Romeo and Juliet will always be one of my all-time favorite stories are reasons such as Ashley, and DeMario, Jessica, and Justin, and many other similar names.

But as much as I loved introducing those kids to Shakespeare, my best teaching efforts were no match for Ryder. He was sitting on our front porch with Mom and Dad, and Shakepeare (our furry, gray and white, neighborhood wondering version who meows in perfect iambic pentameter) came to visit. Ryder said, "Granna, this is Shakespeare," and then, "Shakespeare, this is my cousin, Granna." Ryder totally understands Shakespeare, but we may need a lesson on grandmothers vs. cousins :)

So, Ryder really loves Shakespeare, the wandering cat, and this is huge because he used to scream and hide and be terrified of cats (just ask Hokey, Kyle and Kellee's cat). He has full conversations with Shakespeare. I overheard him talking to him the other day: "Jonie's coming over here. Do you like Jonie, Shakespeare? (Meow...he is a very talkative cat). You do? I like Jonie, too." I asked Ryder after one of his conversations with Shakespeare who his favorite pet was, and he said Shakespeare was. I was feeling bad for faithful Aprilia, who has so patiently allowed Ryder to climb over her since he was born, so I asked, "What about Aprilia?" Ryder looked at me like I had just asked the silliest question ever. "Aprilia's my friend, Mom. She's my buddy." (Ryder really does have real, live people friends for those of you that are concerned about these friendships with cats, dogs, and imaginary squirrels).

And finally, Ryder does know about the playwright and poet Shakespeare, and that he is different from the cat. We can ask Ryder who whe writer Shakespeare was, and Ryder will reply "Milliam Shakespeare." And then when we ask what he wrote, Ryder quotes the witches from Macbeth (sort of). "Bubble, Bubble, toil and trouble. Fire burn and called him TROUBLE!" (And he laughs because he knows the last word is bubble.) He's known these lines for about a year now, because that is what I say to him every time I put bubbles in his bath. I know that it's not something that every mother does, but I thought I was introducing him to Shakespeare in a sweet and cute way. However, I never knew in all the years I planned lessons to introduce Shakespeare to kids, that I would be waitingforRyder to introduce Shakespeare to us.

Camden and Ryder Through the Ages :)

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." -John Leonard

"The language of friends is not words, but meanings." - Henry David Thoreau

"Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried; Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel," -William Shakespeare

Protecting Your Pocket Squirrel (from your BFF :)

This story comes from Jonie. I wasn't there. There is much sadness in not being there. I would have loved to see this exchange between our boys, but I missed it. I am reasonably sure that writing it will be nowhere near as funny as Jonie telling the story even, (Jonie is REALLY very funny) but I will write it anyway.

Jonie was sweet enough to keep Ryder for us while we (by we, I really mean Cody :) put down hardwood. She had the boys at the pool, and Ryder (who does really like to "swim" now, by the way) starts to go up the stairs to the porch.

Jonie: "Ryder, where are you going?"

Ryder: "To get Mannienewt."

Jonie: "No, you don't need to go to the porch. Just tell Mannienewt to come down here."

Mannienewt was a very good pocket squirrel, and he obeyed.

Ryder: "Camden, do you want to see Mannienewt?" and Ryder holds out his hand to show Cam Mannie.

Camden: "What is it?" (Imagine his expression. I think Mannie was hiding behind all the air in Ryder's hand).

Ryder (incredulous at having to explain): "He's my squirrel."

Camden (shrugs his shoulders): "Oh."

Then Camden grabs Mannienewt and power throws him as hard as he can. (OOOhhhh, can I say how much I would have love to have seen this.)

Ryder starts running to get Mannienewt, and Camden says, "You can't get him. I threw him over the fence."

Jonie intervenes, not wanting to go over the fence to get Mannie, and tells Ryder to tell him to come back to him.

Mannie comes back to Ryder and Ryder puts him safely back in his pocket.

Ryder asks Camden: "Do you want a cow?"

Camden: "Sure." (Goes to put cow in his pocket, but realizes he doesn't have a pocket, so he puts the cow down his shorts.)

So now, Mannienewt, pocket squirrel, has company in Ryder's pocket. His friend, Cowsang, pocket cow, usually is with him. I think Ryder keeps Cowsang around in case he is expected to share one of his pocket animals with a friend :)

Disclaimer: Details of this story may be a bit off as I wasn't actually present at the time. (But I'm sure that all the parenthetical asides make up for the inaccuracies.) Jonie can help if you are confused. She is really talented with boys and pocket squirrels and imitating the throwing of Mannie over the fence. (And no worries, Mannienewt wasn't hurt :)