Friday, September 11, 2009
From my Mother's Arms
Ryder and I love to watch the window of the world that we can see from our front porch. We sit on our wicker chairs behind the purple petunias with a bowl of watermelon, a truck, a ball, a book, and Aprilia lying in the sun and watch as neighbors walk dogs, bitraktors ride past, and sometimes friends come by to chat. One of the highlights of porch watching is mowing day. Our neighbor across the street has a lawn service come with a big truck and trailer, fully equipped with a large mower, weed eater, and leaf blower. Of course, I never understood the excitement of mowing day until I experienced it with Ryder.
During our porch time, Ryder is usually playing ball on the sidewalk, telling me that "Ry Ry no go in road," telling me about the bruddin, bruddin traktor that he hears, giving the flowers a drink, running to sit down for a second and get a bite of watermelon, going to pet Aprilia, and then start the process all over again, but as soon as he saw the lawn truck last week, he climbed up in my lap, and watched as the lawn mower starting mowing the yard. However, suddenly this week, he was very cautious about the lawn mowers and would not move from my lap. He talked all about the lawn mower and watched with complete attention all from the safety of his mother's arms.
Ryder is certainly not fearless, but sometimes his fears are very odd. He is not at all afraid of climbing all over our 65 pound boxer, but cats need to be observed from a distance. He wants the huge horse to come to the fence, so he can pet her, but under no circumstance should he be expected to touch the bunny who is pressed up against the cage. His toy parrot was carried around until he suddenly became scary and had to be carried home in the bag, out of sight, and Ryder "no liked bird" until after the next day's nap when he woke up to hug tweet tweet who is very sweet and nice.
Sitting on the porch with Ryder in my lap watching the lawn mowers, I realized how much I hope Ryder will always experience the world from the safety of my arms. Now I physically hold him in my arms, letting him watch and get used to something new, letting him ask questions, and learn from a safe place about what is going on in his world at the moment. And I know that even now that I'm grown, I still experience the world from the safety of my mother's arms. My mother spent her time teaching my sister and I to make good choices, to not be fearful, but to be cautious when faced with new challenges. She somehow managed to instill in us confidence in ourselves that we were able to create a happy life for ourselves, and make it through times that were hard, that we were talented in some areas and in others would need to ask for help.
Two years ago, Mom and the rest of my family came to greet Ryder as he came into this world, and to help me as I became a mom. I gave birth to my son with my family around me. Cody had to pick me up and help me take a shower, my sister help nurse Ryder for me until I was able to get him full, Joe is my brother in every way he could be and was in the hospital with us after having shoulder surgery, Camden was there to see his best friend through the nursery window, my dad made sure that I always had water or food or anything else that he could possibly give me, Rick and Fay brought flowers and worked so hard to have Ryder's nursery finished with a painted palm tree and Gigi made curtains when we came home, so many friends came to visit and bring laughter (even though that was painful) or called, and sent messages, and remembered me in much needed prayers, and in labor I was once again experiencing a world changing event from the safety of my mother's arms, and from the arms of the family that had grown around me through my marriage, my family of Christian brothers and sister, and my friends.
I hope that as Ryder grows and no longer can be physically safe in my arms, that he will always have a confidence in himself, the wisdom to make good choices, a family that surrounds him with love, and that he will live his life with the same security as he feels now sitting in my lap watching the world from our front porch, knowing that at any moment he could return to the safety of his mother's arms. And no matter how big he gets, how independent he thinks he is, how strong and tough, I will always be waitingforRyder to greet me with the hug that physically returns him to the momentary saftey of his mother's arms.